What lies beneath is beautiful no matter how we make it not yo be. The real us arise when we shine from within, complete and confident as we are, embracing all that we are and aren't, have and yet to, you are great and you deserve to feel good about yourself and maybe a latte. Keep shinning friend 🌹
Every interaction I have with people I carry the weight of needing the exchange to be smooth and positive. Always adding a line in to avoid the awkward silence. I can see I am changing because I am allowing more of those moments but I ENVY those who are fine with just what is and don’t feel the desperate need to fill that silence or to make an exchange a certain way.
Yes!!! And then after the interaction I spend so much time second guessing everything I said or did. “Did I offend them? Did I come off too strong? Not strong enough?”
Thank you for sharing this Caroline, I think we are so conditioned to mask ourselves with a smile all the time. Especially women, I feel they get judged if they are not affable, therefore we end up people pleasing and concealing our true feelings behind smiles. Thank you for this once again. Keep smiling but only when your heart smiles 😊
This, the French exit, and wanting to be carefree again... thanks for these essays that reveal you and all of us, Caroline.
I take note of the double meaning of "lies" in this context - what can be found beneath; what isn't truthful beneath.
Smiles hide a lot, and I honestly think that there will always be something to hide. We just have to be careful not to do it too much, especially to out detriment.
I think that’s such a great point — there are little things that don’t need the sunlight but we have to fight against making that our default. Thank you for being here 🤍
Because you are innately adorable 😍 it was probably easiest to lean into it. There are roles that are ready made for us within our families/society that creep onto us slowly at first until we find ourselves having to undo so much and we are like “HOW DID I GET HERE?”
I love love love that you are so intent on forging your own path. So many just let the tide carry them. I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it, the world needs your specific kind of magic to be in full bloom. BRAVO BABY 💥💥💥
We are!! We’re absolutely adorable! Even when cranky!
But you are so right about the roles. They usually come up because they serve a purpose…but we change and those roles no longer fit. I’m so so grateful to have you as a witness. You’re the best hype gal around!!! ❤️🔥
“Spirit-corroding” panged deep to my core. This little (pearly) white lie robs us from more than a bit of mild mannered discomfort. It robs us and others of the truth. Beautiful insights, Caroline. Thank you for sharing!
“Because that unrelenting pressure to “be okay” to “be happy” that we swathe ourselves in can easily become a straitjacket — familiar but suffocating.”
So incredibly sharp and powerful Caroline. This piece really resonated with me. I think, aside from the “need to be adorable” piece which I definitely agree with, there’s also a part of us (or at least me) that never wants to be a burden or an annoyance to others. So it’s buck up, smile, show the world you’re just fine… but it does get heavy to hold it together all the time.
Thank you for this one Caroline. An absolute masterpiece.
Yes! There’s nothing worse than feeling like a burden to others…like you’re dragging them down. But I’ve rarely felt that others were a burden to me. Something to think about.
I recently realized that I often smile out of self-preservation. if people like me, they're less likely to harm me. obviously this is a trauma response. i'm working on feeling safe enough to not smile when I don't feel like smiling.
Just adding that it doesn’t help that my mom always pointed out “you seem more upbeat” or “you seem in a better mood” always pointing out when I was how I “should be”
Gahhhh we all are wearing masks aren’t we? This really touched me because I thrive on and strive for being likable…but what it costs me is rarely worth the benefit. I’ve been working to unmask for years now. Always a work in progress. And don’t you wanna throat punch folks when they say “…oh honey, why don’t you smile a little?”
It's interesting to me to read this just a few weeks after your Wednesday Addams piece... I can totally appreciate how a woman can be both of these types, and I'd love to see you explore how they worked together. Was your smiling era pre or post Wednesday, or did they coincide depending on a shift in mood? I was also really struck, as I read this, about who benefits from the complicity of our smile. And who is threatened when we stop?... have you felt your impact on the world shift since you stopped? MORE MORE MORE
Agreed on wanting more and more!. It’s such an interesting juxtaposition of the two parts of her and how we can be so many different things and wear so many different masks.
ISABEL. I thought this as I was proofreading. And I feared some would read this as disingenuous. But I’ve always been both, it’s simply how much they each show up that has shifted. Wednesday is the real me, the one that so few met for most of my life. Because she’s the part I thought was gross and wrong. The other is pageant Caroline…and I so wanted to get the crown. At any expense. Guess this will be the next piece 🤣🤣
What an incredibly powerful piece! Oh my goodness, and yes, "If there is one thing I've mastered, it's pretending everything is fine, especially as I fall apart." My childhood in a nutshell, and template for life... until now. Breaking it apart, piece by piece. Finding my voice... and my heart in the process. Thank you for sharing so much of yours. ❤️
Marvelous, and so valid, Caroline! But it’s OK if this one little part of the world thinks you’re adorable… right? ❤️
Definitely keep telling me I’m adorable 🤣
You can count on it, darling!
What lies beneath is beautiful no matter how we make it not yo be. The real us arise when we shine from within, complete and confident as we are, embracing all that we are and aren't, have and yet to, you are great and you deserve to feel good about yourself and maybe a latte. Keep shinning friend 🌹
Yes yes yes!! Thank you for being such an excellent example! 🤍🤍🤍
I completely agree with this, friend!
This is such an important reminder.
I am this person and don’t want to be.
Every interaction I have with people I carry the weight of needing the exchange to be smooth and positive. Always adding a line in to avoid the awkward silence. I can see I am changing because I am allowing more of those moments but I ENVY those who are fine with just what is and don’t feel the desperate need to fill that silence or to make an exchange a certain way.
Yes!!! And then after the interaction I spend so much time second guessing everything I said or did. “Did I offend them? Did I come off too strong? Not strong enough?”
Getting incrementally better 😊
Thank you for sharing this Caroline, I think we are so conditioned to mask ourselves with a smile all the time. Especially women, I feel they get judged if they are not affable, therefore we end up people pleasing and concealing our true feelings behind smiles. Thank you for this once again. Keep smiling but only when your heart smiles 😊
Thank you so so much ☺️
This, the French exit, and wanting to be carefree again... thanks for these essays that reveal you and all of us, Caroline.
I take note of the double meaning of "lies" in this context - what can be found beneath; what isn't truthful beneath.
Smiles hide a lot, and I honestly think that there will always be something to hide. We just have to be careful not to do it too much, especially to out detriment.
I think that’s such a great point — there are little things that don’t need the sunlight but we have to fight against making that our default. Thank you for being here 🤍
Because you are innately adorable 😍 it was probably easiest to lean into it. There are roles that are ready made for us within our families/society that creep onto us slowly at first until we find ourselves having to undo so much and we are like “HOW DID I GET HERE?”
I love love love that you are so intent on forging your own path. So many just let the tide carry them. I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it, the world needs your specific kind of magic to be in full bloom. BRAVO BABY 💥💥💥
We are!! We’re absolutely adorable! Even when cranky!
But you are so right about the roles. They usually come up because they serve a purpose…but we change and those roles no longer fit. I’m so so grateful to have you as a witness. You’re the best hype gal around!!! ❤️🔥
I am a default smiler as well, now I understand when not to.
Being genuine, with all our emotions, is important for making true connections with others.
Thanks for sharing Caroline :-).
Thank you so much 😊
“Spirit-corroding” panged deep to my core. This little (pearly) white lie robs us from more than a bit of mild mannered discomfort. It robs us and others of the truth. Beautiful insights, Caroline. Thank you for sharing!
Right?! It’s so sad that it rings true for so many. But it’s also kind of freeing 🤍
I read this in your voice and felt every word. Miss you!!
😭😭😭. Only a month and a half to go!
“Because that unrelenting pressure to “be okay” to “be happy” that we swathe ourselves in can easily become a straitjacket — familiar but suffocating.”
So incredibly sharp and powerful Caroline. This piece really resonated with me. I think, aside from the “need to be adorable” piece which I definitely agree with, there’s also a part of us (or at least me) that never wants to be a burden or an annoyance to others. So it’s buck up, smile, show the world you’re just fine… but it does get heavy to hold it together all the time.
Thank you for this one Caroline. An absolute masterpiece.
Yes! There’s nothing worse than feeling like a burden to others…like you’re dragging them down. But I’ve rarely felt that others were a burden to me. Something to think about.
Thank you always!!!
So true!
I recently realized that I often smile out of self-preservation. if people like me, they're less likely to harm me. obviously this is a trauma response. i'm working on feeling safe enough to not smile when I don't feel like smiling.
Yes! And if I smile they’re less likely to poke and prod me with questions. Thanks for being here 😊
Just adding that it doesn’t help that my mom always pointed out “you seem more upbeat” or “you seem in a better mood” always pointing out when I was how I “should be”
Every time she does it now it enrages me.
Ahhhhh yes, the little comments from mom 🙃
I really enjoyed reading this post! It's wonderfully constructed and you explained everything gracefully 💚
This made my morning! Thank you so 😊
Awww. I love how this works. You're very welcome 💚
Gahhhh we all are wearing masks aren’t we? This really touched me because I thrive on and strive for being likable…but what it costs me is rarely worth the benefit. I’ve been working to unmask for years now. Always a work in progress. And don’t you wanna throat punch folks when they say “…oh honey, why don’t you smile a little?”
I’ve made a vow to never tell someone else to smile. EVER!!
It’s nice to be in good company and to be reworking these parts of ourselves together 🤍
It's interesting to me to read this just a few weeks after your Wednesday Addams piece... I can totally appreciate how a woman can be both of these types, and I'd love to see you explore how they worked together. Was your smiling era pre or post Wednesday, or did they coincide depending on a shift in mood? I was also really struck, as I read this, about who benefits from the complicity of our smile. And who is threatened when we stop?... have you felt your impact on the world shift since you stopped? MORE MORE MORE
Agreed on wanting more and more!. It’s such an interesting juxtaposition of the two parts of her and how we can be so many different things and wear so many different masks.
ISABEL. I thought this as I was proofreading. And I feared some would read this as disingenuous. But I’ve always been both, it’s simply how much they each show up that has shifted. Wednesday is the real me, the one that so few met for most of my life. Because she’s the part I thought was gross and wrong. The other is pageant Caroline…and I so wanted to get the crown. At any expense. Guess this will be the next piece 🤣🤣
What an incredibly powerful piece! Oh my goodness, and yes, "If there is one thing I've mastered, it's pretending everything is fine, especially as I fall apart." My childhood in a nutshell, and template for life... until now. Breaking it apart, piece by piece. Finding my voice... and my heart in the process. Thank you for sharing so much of yours. ❤️
It has been an absolute joy watching you break out of that narrative!! You are an inspiration and a guide 🤍🤍🤍
And you to me! ❤️❤️