“I would not be concerned with the secrets, the lies, the mysteries, the facts. I would be concerned with what makes them necessary. What fear.” Anais Nin
Beautiful, Caroline. I love this question and invitation: "What if I do this and discover that my greatest strength is my capacity to embrace the multitudes within? That I can love the contradictions that make me terribly human."
Lately, I find myself bringing close attention to the many worlds I hold inside - and the many worlds each of us hold, as humans. I've also been stepping into a more felt awareness of not needing to share everything for it to be true or for the sake of being truthful. The truth emerges from living. That is enough.
Oh so achingly relatable. Sometimes withholding and obfuscating and controlling our identity by hiding part of it away are our only avenues to power. But what a sad way to live once you see the cost. Thank you for peeling back layers again and again.
SO SO SO SO GOOD. Ugh, yes Caroline. YES. I, too, was enamored with secret lives. There was this sense of false preciousness. "The world couldn't handle it!" I'd tell myself. "I'm too special. They wouldn't understand."
At some point I heard the idea that, what you're most afraid of sharing is likely what the world wants more of from you. That really stuck with me.
Loved this line especially, "it’s becoming obvious how the path I treaded for safety grows more perilous by the hour; I’ve gotten worse at the act, not better. There’s a risk of self-obliteration."
Faye, thank you!! And your comment has me thinking how my this relates to your latest post — that fear that we’re just too much, too weird to handle. In reality, we were just around the wrong people 🤍
-- "We grow and crash into years and lock ourselves away, forgetting it’s that easy. That we could be that free."
What a beautiful essay, C. I am often astonished by the power truth holds. The act of opening the secret places within us and embracing them with empathy has the force to rebuild our entire mindfulness and the way we experience the world. Thank you. ✨️
WOW Caroline. Just WOW. I'm speechless. I wonder if life is just a marriage of all of our selves coexisting in the home of our bodies. Sometimes they're roommates, sometimes they're lovers, and sometimes they're enemies. It felt like, with your beautiful words, the curtains brushed aside for a second letting us get a glimpse before it falls back into place. Beautiful writing my friend.
I love this too much. I think most of us, especially the feminine gender(sex :-), relate to this so much. We do tend to secret parts of ourselves away for so many reasons that some times it's hard to decipher the real reason we did it 'this time.'
Living in relationships makes this even more possible. I am, at 65, really learning to say, "NO" and it's a good thing.
Caroline your incredible talent for marrying poetry to concrete prose never fails to astound and enchant. I don’t know how you do it, but there is magic at your fingertips. 🤍🤍🤍
I can relate to this so much! So much so that I’ve begun writing about the origins of my own hiding, as a therapeutic process if nothing else. Thank you, Caroline! ❤️
My old roommate who used to mow the lawn with a riding lawnmower and then work out in the basement and then say, “Of such contradictions the tapestry of my life is woven.”
The irony of the defense of people who need most to be seen being withdrawal and secrets.
My own secret life! Whole swaths of experience no one (except my dog) knows about—I don’t keep these secret on purpose, but no one inquires so they stay with me (in me?).
The curated life—a tendency magnified by social media. The highlight reel vs the film on the editing room floor.
Anyway, disparate thoughts. Thanks for making me think them!
The lawnmower would have me questioning my sanity and yet I’m sure I do things just like that.
And Isabel and I talked not too long ago about the paradox of wanting to be seen but being most comfortable hiding in the bushes…an awkward existence!!
Thank you for this!! Can’t wait to listen to Esther.
The words you write need to be savored, and revisited to let their full richness settle into one's being. I love how you love, and clearly, your writing is an act of love. Thank you, Caroline ❤️
Beautiful, Caroline. I love this question and invitation: "What if I do this and discover that my greatest strength is my capacity to embrace the multitudes within? That I can love the contradictions that make me terribly human."
Lately, I find myself bringing close attention to the many worlds I hold inside - and the many worlds each of us hold, as humans. I've also been stepping into a more felt awareness of not needing to share everything for it to be true or for the sake of being truthful. The truth emerges from living. That is enough.
-- ❤️🔥 ❤️🔥 ❤️🔥 .
Great writing as usual, your ability to describe the psyche and mental state is really special.
Thank you so much! I’m always grateful for your presence and writing 😊
Oh so achingly relatable. Sometimes withholding and obfuscating and controlling our identity by hiding part of it away are our only avenues to power. But what a sad way to live once you see the cost. Thank you for peeling back layers again and again.
Thank you, thank you 😊
I’ve spent so long gatekeeping, how will I exist with nothing to guard? How do I say goodbye to decades of hard work, my masterpiece?
you are getting scarily more profound if more accessible each week spirited reflection gorgeous
Thank you for recognizing how perfect I am 😂
haha dont tempt me
And there are those who believe AI can think like humans.
It’s an insane thought!
SO SO SO SO GOOD. Ugh, yes Caroline. YES. I, too, was enamored with secret lives. There was this sense of false preciousness. "The world couldn't handle it!" I'd tell myself. "I'm too special. They wouldn't understand."
At some point I heard the idea that, what you're most afraid of sharing is likely what the world wants more of from you. That really stuck with me.
Loved this line especially, "it’s becoming obvious how the path I treaded for safety grows more perilous by the hour; I’ve gotten worse at the act, not better. There’s a risk of self-obliteration."
Faye, thank you!! And your comment has me thinking how my this relates to your latest post — that fear that we’re just too much, too weird to handle. In reality, we were just around the wrong people 🤍
And how amazing that we can create these communities for our wonderful too muchness to thrive
-- "We grow and crash into years and lock ourselves away, forgetting it’s that easy. That we could be that free."
What a beautiful essay, C. I am often astonished by the power truth holds. The act of opening the secret places within us and embracing them with empathy has the force to rebuild our entire mindfulness and the way we experience the world. Thank you. ✨️
Thank you so much, this means everything!!!
WOW Caroline. Just WOW. I'm speechless. I wonder if life is just a marriage of all of our selves coexisting in the home of our bodies. Sometimes they're roommates, sometimes they're lovers, and sometimes they're enemies. It felt like, with your beautiful words, the curtains brushed aside for a second letting us get a glimpse before it falls back into place. Beautiful writing my friend.
OH MY!!! I love this analogy -- the marriage of ourselves. Thank you so much for being here!!
I love this too much. I think most of us, especially the feminine gender(sex :-), relate to this so much. We do tend to secret parts of ourselves away for so many reasons that some times it's hard to decipher the real reason we did it 'this time.'
Living in relationships makes this even more possible. I am, at 65, really learning to say, "NO" and it's a good thing.
I can't wait for ACT III. Bring it on.
Much love...Elisabeth
Ahhhhh act 3 scary and thrilling all that awaits! Thank you thank you ☺️
Caroline your incredible talent for marrying poetry to concrete prose never fails to astound and enchant. I don’t know how you do it, but there is magic at your fingertips. 🤍🤍🤍
Ahhhh this brings me such joy!! Thank you 😊
I can relate to this so much! So much so that I’ve begun writing about the origins of my own hiding, as a therapeutic process if nothing else. Thank you, Caroline! ❤️
Thank you, Susan!! I hope you do keep writing it. And if you share it here, I’ll rush to read it 🤍
This piece made me think about a lot of things:
My old roommate who used to mow the lawn with a riding lawnmower and then work out in the basement and then say, “Of such contradictions the tapestry of my life is woven.”
This episode of Esther Perel’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-should-we-begin-with-esther-perel/id1237931798?i=1000642096945
The irony of the defense of people who need most to be seen being withdrawal and secrets.
My own secret life! Whole swaths of experience no one (except my dog) knows about—I don’t keep these secret on purpose, but no one inquires so they stay with me (in me?).
The curated life—a tendency magnified by social media. The highlight reel vs the film on the editing room floor.
Anyway, disparate thoughts. Thanks for making me think them!
The lawnmower would have me questioning my sanity and yet I’m sure I do things just like that.
And Isabel and I talked not too long ago about the paradox of wanting to be seen but being most comfortable hiding in the bushes…an awkward existence!!
Thank you for this!! Can’t wait to listen to Esther.
I kind of feel like, “Well if they don’t see me, maybe they’ll see this massive citadel I’ve constructed!” lol
Hahaha yes!
Reveal all that is. Ready for further uncovering. Shine a light and water it, it shall grow and flourish. Hide it and it shall rot and stink and contaminate. Shed daily, newskin. New love. An invitation for peace https://open.spotify.com/episode/6gOBwEf5JbAIpNNOE5gibs?si=IcusqLTZQxWhVGBGxjulJA&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A3a46M0tq5748PLDPXPQ6em
Yes, yes!! Thank you friend!
The words you write need to be savored, and revisited to let their full richness settle into one's being. I love how you love, and clearly, your writing is an act of love. Thank you, Caroline ❤️
Thank you so much!!! I was just settling down for the night — about to read your latest 🤍
I *love* this synchronicity! ❤️ ❤️
YES
Brilliant!
I need two weeks to have a chat with my selves and come up with something. See you then. Take good care of you.💚
Ha, thank you 🤍🤍
Actually, Caroline, I love this:
“We grow and crash into years and lock ourselves away, forgetting it’s that easy.”
Swoosh.