I am a very quiet person at this stage of my life. Loud voices really rattle me. My family all had a tendency to talk over each other, with voices peaking as they struggled to be heard.
I am having so many problems with my roommates. Fatigue (endlessly, lately) makes me so sound sensitive and I have produced nearly a half dozen people who are small versions of your dad, all of whom like to talk at once, and when they can’t be heard (over the din) THEY SHOUT. Just last night I was awake with insomnia and I had the thought: “well, this is the only time I can enjoy a quiet house.”
I’m imagining Bruce trying to out squeal them! Fingers crossed they their journey is the opposite of my dads and they don’t get louder with each passing day 🤣
Truly enjoyed this. If you wanted to hear yourself think you’d never have dinner with my family when I was young. If you wanted to be heard you had to speak louder than the last speaker— before he stopped speaking..
You’re my sister then! She hid! I, horrifyingly and unfortunately learned to jump in and have at it. Luckily my husband came from the same kind of family and we both horrify our son in law on the holidays.
This is also my reality. Sometimes I have to stop myself from cringing when my husband makes a phone call and I’m home as he tends to go into shout mode. When our sons visit he gets so excited he’s mostly yelling the whole time. My soul gets tired, then I remember all the good of this passion and, as you said, try to allow it to be.
Wonderful post! I loved hearing your dad’s belly laugh, and this, too: “This loudness exists as the crescendo that makes the quiet feel like a natural resolution.” Aaaah, yes
HOW ARE YOU SO WISE?!! And how do you know me so well? I lapped up every word. I've always felt that I am not a loudspeaker but one of those old-timey lightbulbs... the more energy and slowly, slowly, I begin to glow. I don't yell or shout in the presence of vivacity but I do glow with it's warmth.
Thank you Caroline. 🙏 I enjoyed every word of your beautifully crafted message ❤. Your humour made me smile, and your deep insights made me nod in agreement. In silence, i find my peace too. 🙂❤ I am slow, deliberate and quiet, and others don't seem to get my "pauses".. They think I am deliberately ignoring them, when in fact, I'm just processing what they said and trying to find the best way to respond. My Dad was a listener and observer, and he didn't say much, but he never missed a thing. I strive to be like him. I feel like I want to say less and less, but the words I utter should be meaningful and thought-provoking, to the point. I have a long way to go. 🙂
I love this so much!! Your dad sounds similar to mine and I needed that laugh and smile more than I can possibly say. 😊🤍 This is so brilliantly written and expressed.
I think my family was generally on medium volume. But sometimes I find myself not heard when I'm in a crowd, and other times I'm the loudest of the bunch to the point that I need to reign it in a bit. I guess the medium volume didn't really stick with me lol
Me too, but I like that quality, actually! Nothing worse than two quiet people being quiet together, unless they know each other very well of course. I'll happily morph into a loud one for a few hours the situation calls for it.
I've never been good with noise and crowds. Although in my youth I could be as noisy/rowdy as the next person-often rowdier (needing attention). Now I'm pretty quiet and reflective, a watcher rather than a participant. I like it that way. I didn't know it was letter writing month, thank you for the reminder to get the pretty notecards out!
I love this Caroline. The way you embrace your own nature without the need to make it better than the boisterousness of the rest of your family. I love that conclusion that both compliment each other and make the other more beautiful. I feel like this grace comes from being ok with who you are which is such a relief when you find it. Have you read The Quiet by Susan Cain? I haven’t but I have it lol…
Arty, thank you for this! I was worried that some people would read the beginning and see it as “preachy” about the better ways of the quiet…we’re not better, just different.
I haven’t but you know I’ll add it to my very long list 🤣
SAME girl! My family is loud & cheerful (and I like to think i'm full of joy most of the time, but I'm quieter. Slower. Definitely softer). Many times at a party it can seem like i'm not having a good time because i'm not the one loudly talking or dancing in the middle - but I am having a great time haha!
Firstly, thanks for that glimpse into your life; its nice to peer into your familial relationship! Secondly, I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. Loudness and silence are two sides of the same coin, and one cannot exist without the other to foil it. Moreover, sometimes either one is more appropriate than the other; it does not always need to be loud, or vice versa. Nice post!
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment! And I couldn’t agree more. For me, growing up has meant learning when to be silent and when to be loud 🤍
I appreciate the way your essay moves from thesis (loudness is annoying) to antithesis (loud people are fun) to synthesis (loud and silent people need one another). Very artfully done.
I am a very quiet person at this stage of my life. Loud voices really rattle me. My family all had a tendency to talk over each other, with voices peaking as they struggled to be heard.
My friend Alexandra wrote a few weeks ago about the world being too loud in general…I’d never felt more seen lol.
I am having so many problems with my roommates. Fatigue (endlessly, lately) makes me so sound sensitive and I have produced nearly a half dozen people who are small versions of your dad, all of whom like to talk at once, and when they can’t be heard (over the din) THEY SHOUT. Just last night I was awake with insomnia and I had the thought: “well, this is the only time I can enjoy a quiet house.”
I’m imagining Bruce trying to out squeal them! Fingers crossed they their journey is the opposite of my dads and they don’t get louder with each passing day 🤣
Too many perfect lines to choose from. “This loudness exists as the crescendo that makes the quiet feel like a natural resolution.” was just 🤌🏼💋
Thank you, thank you my friend 💕
Truly enjoyed this. If you wanted to hear yourself think you’d never have dinner with my family when I was young. If you wanted to be heard you had to speak louder than the last speaker— before he stopped speaking..
I so relate! I used to come home from school and lock myself in my "dungeon" as my parents liked to call it. I just need a few hours of silence!
You’re my sister then! She hid! I, horrifyingly and unfortunately learned to jump in and have at it. Luckily my husband came from the same kind of family and we both horrify our son in law on the holidays.
But it's also a lot of fun!! And you can feel the love and passion!
It can be as long as you know the rules for sure. Our Irish brother in law loves it. (Our French niece thinks we’re crazy)
This is also my reality. Sometimes I have to stop myself from cringing when my husband makes a phone call and I’m home as he tends to go into shout mode. When our sons visit he gets so excited he’s mostly yelling the whole time. My soul gets tired, then I remember all the good of this passion and, as you said, try to allow it to be.
A great essay, thanks Caroline!
Your husband sounds a lot like my dad. He lights up when I’m home and his loudness cannot be tamed. Thank you 🙏
My brothers speak loudly, they both have poor hearing from working in the railroads… it does make you cringe.
Wonderful post! I loved hearing your dad’s belly laugh, and this, too: “This loudness exists as the crescendo that makes the quiet feel like a natural resolution.” Aaaah, yes
The best part is that he's almost always laughing at himself! Thank you for being here!
HOW ARE YOU SO WISE?!! And how do you know me so well? I lapped up every word. I've always felt that I am not a loudspeaker but one of those old-timey lightbulbs... the more energy and slowly, slowly, I begin to glow. I don't yell or shout in the presence of vivacity but I do glow with it's warmth.
Ohhhh I love this imagery!! That’s how we shall be described. Thank you 😊😊😊
Thank you Caroline. 🙏 I enjoyed every word of your beautifully crafted message ❤. Your humour made me smile, and your deep insights made me nod in agreement. In silence, i find my peace too. 🙂❤ I am slow, deliberate and quiet, and others don't seem to get my "pauses".. They think I am deliberately ignoring them, when in fact, I'm just processing what they said and trying to find the best way to respond. My Dad was a listener and observer, and he didn't say much, but he never missed a thing. I strive to be like him. I feel like I want to say less and less, but the words I utter should be meaningful and thought-provoking, to the point. I have a long way to go. 🙂
Yes! I need time to process and that’s confusing for others at times. Thank you so much for being here and this thoughtful response 🤍
Caroline, I said it all in my re-stack; So I will just comment here that this is a gorgeous piece of writing!
❤️❤️❤️
I love this so much!! Your dad sounds similar to mine and I needed that laugh and smile more than I can possibly say. 😊🤍 This is so brilliantly written and expressed.
Thank you so much Sarah, your presence here brings me such joy ❤️🤍❤️
I think my family was generally on medium volume. But sometimes I find myself not heard when I'm in a crowd, and other times I'm the loudest of the bunch to the point that I need to reign it in a bit. I guess the medium volume didn't really stick with me lol
Haha I really appreciate this! I can be quite loud too. Especially when things are uncomfortable and people are waiting for someone to take over 🙃
Me too, but I like that quality, actually! Nothing worse than two quiet people being quiet together, unless they know each other very well of course. I'll happily morph into a loud one for a few hours the situation calls for it.
I've never been good with noise and crowds. Although in my youth I could be as noisy/rowdy as the next person-often rowdier (needing attention). Now I'm pretty quiet and reflective, a watcher rather than a participant. I like it that way. I didn't know it was letter writing month, thank you for the reminder to get the pretty notecards out!
From one watcher to another, thank you 😊
I love this Caroline. The way you embrace your own nature without the need to make it better than the boisterousness of the rest of your family. I love that conclusion that both compliment each other and make the other more beautiful. I feel like this grace comes from being ok with who you are which is such a relief when you find it. Have you read The Quiet by Susan Cain? I haven’t but I have it lol…
Arty, thank you for this! I was worried that some people would read the beginning and see it as “preachy” about the better ways of the quiet…we’re not better, just different.
I haven’t but you know I’ll add it to my very long list 🤣
SAME girl! My family is loud & cheerful (and I like to think i'm full of joy most of the time, but I'm quieter. Slower. Definitely softer). Many times at a party it can seem like i'm not having a good time because i'm not the one loudly talking or dancing in the middle - but I am having a great time haha!
Yes!!! This is me 🤣
Firstly, thanks for that glimpse into your life; its nice to peer into your familial relationship! Secondly, I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. Loudness and silence are two sides of the same coin, and one cannot exist without the other to foil it. Moreover, sometimes either one is more appropriate than the other; it does not always need to be loud, or vice versa. Nice post!
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment! And I couldn’t agree more. For me, growing up has meant learning when to be silent and when to be loud 🤍
Caroline,
I appreciate the way your essay moves from thesis (loudness is annoying) to antithesis (loud people are fun) to synthesis (loud and silent people need one another). Very artfully done.
Thank you so much!!