I was also a very serious child, afraid of the world so i think I can relate to what you wrote.
I read memoirs about how people had such wild times in their adolescence and into their 20s and even their 30s. I went straight from adolescence to a serious job, marriage and then soon having children.
Maybe writing fro me is my second childhood and Substack my grown up playground.
There's a lot to be gained by revisiting childhood, for people who lived theirs and those who, for a range of reasons, didn't or couldn't live theirs.
Thanks for this perspective, Caroline. We can be both children and adults at the same time. Let's go back to that time when we could just be. This is essential "therapy" for those who couldn't be children, and they are a lot more than we can ever imagine.
"Because it’s in these moments that I feel the immensity of my fumbles. I remember how the days, big and small, washed past me without my participation. Of how I was too zoned out and numb to care."
wish you could discipline me as to the ease with which you dissect inner life....i tend to evade that with showmanship....btw i wont bombard you with any more messages than i did already even as i trust you made a funny face during some of them this week even if not onstage at time
ohhh and btw elle fanning is the one i always wanted to play the character Lily wrote in one of her novels if they made a movie of it: "Writers and Lovers" i'd send it but you have no doubt a pile burying you xo
I completely agree. As a child I avoided much because I was too embarrassed to do it… and now it’s just even more embarrassing at my age! Take advantage of those years of youth when you can really do anything! This piece resonates!!
Beautiful as always, Caroline 💗 I had a lot of responsibility on me as a child and I’m sometimes sad I don’t get to just play and be carefree all the time. But as you said, the sun hasn’t set yet, and I’m leaning into play in my adulthood 😌
I love this for you! (And for us because we get to experience baby Caroline shine through your prose.) I love that you know that it is never too late to begin again. To embrace the feelings of childlike wonder at any age is our divine right.
I relate so much to grieving childhood. I never got to be a true child not even before my parents died but I did manage to steal some moments of childhood bliss that have carried me through to adulthood. No matter what happened in my life, I was relentless about holding onto my curiosity and childlike wonder which I think directly contributed to how well everything turned out despite the dire circumstances.
Playing is so important for our health, for our art and YES! to spending more time outside!!! Nature is my happy, safe place. Yes to dancing and giggling every chance you get. Honor those feelings of play and demand that they always hold a place in your life no matter what transpires.
Caroline, I could not be prouder of your awareness and advocacy for your deepest, truest nature. What a marvel you are. ❤️🔥
"And with each sun-drenched Spring day, something new jostles free — most recently, my long-slumbering sense of enchantment. And as if I’ve been reborn, I slink into a state of innocence."
Jenovia, I tucked myself in sooo early last night like a little kid, so it was such a joy to awake to this comment.
My heart aches for little you and little me. But I’m filled with such pride thinking of who we are today. I’m in awe of you and your thoughtful, generous presence. It’s such a privilege to share this space with you. I cannot thank you enough!!
For real though…let’s schedule a zoom date — you, me, Dia, and Isabel ❤️❤️❤️
Noooo, the sun has not nearly set on either one of us. I love that you describe much of my childhood in your pieces. :-). The seriousness I have used in the past 66 years, while interspersed often with laughter and lightness, has been, well, too heavy at time. I'm in the process of giving all of that up in a desire to live the rest of my life having FUN!
I am so thrilled you are resdiscovering childhood! It’s actually even more thrilling as an adult because it’s the ultimate fuck you to adultish boringness. Also always, always here to chat I Love Lucy with you (which I also grew up watching). ❤️
Caroline, this is achingly beautiful. I am going to go read it again after I leave this comment. I love how you are finding childlike wonder as an adult, there is something just breathtaking about it.
Thank you for sharing this, I truly feel privileged to read your gorgeous prose.
I sooo relate to this. I always wanted to be an adult... a sexy adult specifically. Which has been quite a ride to unpack! And YES to nature. gosh the second I walk outside everything shifts. All the irises are blooming now and there is one kind that specifically smells (okay and tastes) like grape jolly ranchers. It's mind blowing.
Play, like just frolicking with the flowers, has been transformative for me, too. The key to experiencing the bliss of being me and finding what truly makes my heart beat.
Also I think you'll appreciate this.. my boyfriend owns a gym with a huge emphasis on strength as play, and he sells shirts. One of his faves says "expert beginner"
I identify with this so much! I was not a child. I was an adult who was shorter than I am now. I had no carefree moment. Well, one at a church conference in 1992. Love this post.
Are you the youngest child? If so, relatable-the youngest isn’t raised to be a child, especially in the South, at birth, the youngest is raised to be and expected to behave as a small, yet wise, adult.
Nature is always the cure—outdoors I feel my spirit so easily received. Doesn’t surprise me a bit you find yourself out of doors….and how great you have the rest of your life to be young again. 🌱
I was also a very serious child, afraid of the world so i think I can relate to what you wrote.
I read memoirs about how people had such wild times in their adolescence and into their 20s and even their 30s. I went straight from adolescence to a serious job, marriage and then soon having children.
Maybe writing fro me is my second childhood and Substack my grown up playground.
Substack really does feel like play and no doubt that’s why we’re drawn to it!
I used to feel “weird” for not having those wild teenage tales…oh well lol
I feel the same way ❤️
There's a lot to be gained by revisiting childhood, for people who lived theirs and those who, for a range of reasons, didn't or couldn't live theirs.
Thanks for this perspective, Caroline. We can be both children and adults at the same time. Let's go back to that time when we could just be. This is essential "therapy" for those who couldn't be children, and they are a lot more than we can ever imagine.
Thank you! I’m trying to see how I can incorporate that goodness into my life now. I so appreciate your support!
Our baby selves are no different than our adult selves. A good practice is to visualize your baby self and love it unconditionally ❤️
I agree, Paolo. Let's find and love this baby self unconditionally.
"Because it’s in these moments that I feel the immensity of my fumbles. I remember how the days, big and small, washed past me without my participation. Of how I was too zoned out and numb to care."
wish you could discipline me as to the ease with which you dissect inner life....i tend to evade that with showmanship....btw i wont bombard you with any more messages than i did already even as i trust you made a funny face during some of them this week even if not onstage at time
ohhh and btw elle fanning is the one i always wanted to play the character Lily wrote in one of her novels if they made a movie of it: "Writers and Lovers" i'd send it but you have no doubt a pile burying you xo
Were you in the zone whaling the Les Paul back in the day?
hell i only played electric for 20 years man i damned well wish!!!
Haha I wish I actually knew what I’m doing! The Fanning sisters are the coolest!!! 😎
I completely agree. As a child I avoided much because I was too embarrassed to do it… and now it’s just even more embarrassing at my age! Take advantage of those years of youth when you can really do anything! This piece resonates!!
Let’s plunge into the silliness together! Thank you 😊
Beautiful as always, Caroline 💗 I had a lot of responsibility on me as a child and I’m sometimes sad I don’t get to just play and be carefree all the time. But as you said, the sun hasn’t set yet, and I’m leaning into play in my adulthood 😌
I’m so happy that we’re both still exploring those child parts. Thank you so much for being here 🤍🤍🤍
I love this for you! (And for us because we get to experience baby Caroline shine through your prose.) I love that you know that it is never too late to begin again. To embrace the feelings of childlike wonder at any age is our divine right.
I relate so much to grieving childhood. I never got to be a true child not even before my parents died but I did manage to steal some moments of childhood bliss that have carried me through to adulthood. No matter what happened in my life, I was relentless about holding onto my curiosity and childlike wonder which I think directly contributed to how well everything turned out despite the dire circumstances.
Playing is so important for our health, for our art and YES! to spending more time outside!!! Nature is my happy, safe place. Yes to dancing and giggling every chance you get. Honor those feelings of play and demand that they always hold a place in your life no matter what transpires.
Caroline, I could not be prouder of your awareness and advocacy for your deepest, truest nature. What a marvel you are. ❤️🔥
"And with each sun-drenched Spring day, something new jostles free — most recently, my long-slumbering sense of enchantment. And as if I’ve been reborn, I slink into a state of innocence."
Tears of beauty and joy. Thank you, friend.
Jenovia, I tucked myself in sooo early last night like a little kid, so it was such a joy to awake to this comment.
My heart aches for little you and little me. But I’m filled with such pride thinking of who we are today. I’m in awe of you and your thoughtful, generous presence. It’s such a privilege to share this space with you. I cannot thank you enough!!
For real though…let’s schedule a zoom date — you, me, Dia, and Isabel ❤️❤️❤️
I would love that! 😍
So grateful to be brought along for these revelations. The attention to detail, the newfound whimsy… feels RAW
Thank you so much 😊 💕
Noooo, the sun has not nearly set on either one of us. I love that you describe much of my childhood in your pieces. :-). The seriousness I have used in the past 66 years, while interspersed often with laughter and lightness, has been, well, too heavy at time. I'm in the process of giving all of that up in a desire to live the rest of my life having FUN!
Yes yes yes!! There is fun ahead!!!
💕🌸
Drinking deeply from the well of presence and mirth!!! 👏👏👏
Thank you!! 🙌🌸
Thank you so much 😊 💕
I am so thrilled you are resdiscovering childhood! It’s actually even more thrilling as an adult because it’s the ultimate fuck you to adultish boringness. Also always, always here to chat I Love Lucy with you (which I also grew up watching). ❤️
Ahhhhh a fellow Lucy lover!!! Yes, I love this framing. A big fuck you!! lol
Caroline, this is achingly beautiful. I am going to go read it again after I leave this comment. I love how you are finding childlike wonder as an adult, there is something just breathtaking about it.
Thank you for sharing this, I truly feel privileged to read your gorgeous prose.
❤️🔥
Arty, I’m forever grateful for you!!!
I sooo relate to this. I always wanted to be an adult... a sexy adult specifically. Which has been quite a ride to unpack! And YES to nature. gosh the second I walk outside everything shifts. All the irises are blooming now and there is one kind that specifically smells (okay and tastes) like grape jolly ranchers. It's mind blowing.
Play, like just frolicking with the flowers, has been transformative for me, too. The key to experiencing the bliss of being me and finding what truly makes my heart beat.
Also I think you'll appreciate this.. my boyfriend owns a gym with a huge emphasis on strength as play, and he sells shirts. One of his faves says "expert beginner"
Yes!! And it’s odd that now that I’m an adult I see the necessity of play!
I do love that! Thank you for being here 🤍
always a pleasure to swim in your words 🍯
I feel the same!!
I identify with this so much! I was not a child. I was an adult who was shorter than I am now. I had no carefree moment. Well, one at a church conference in 1992. Love this post.
Yes, exactly!! I’ve always been an old lady…I mostly love it. But there are real moments of exhaustion lol. Thank you 😊
Are you the youngest child? If so, relatable-the youngest isn’t raised to be a child, especially in the South, at birth, the youngest is raised to be and expected to behave as a small, yet wise, adult.
I’m the oldest but I had a very sick sibling…so my best behavior was needed! And how people said I was so mature!
Yeah, you got the lecture re: best behavior from everyone, especially those who had no business in your family’s business (I.e., the mailman).
Ohhhhh the South 🫠
You have that correct!
Nature is always the cure—outdoors I feel my spirit so easily received. Doesn’t surprise me a bit you find yourself out of doors….and how great you have the rest of your life to be young again. 🌱
I love witnessing your connection to nature 🤍