Two Thumbs Up

Photo by Yaroslava Borz

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Do you hear me? Do you see me? Do I matter to you?

I was halfway into a workout, struggling to drag my legs up the high incline I’d set on the treadmill. I’d chosen my favorite station, the one closest to the window. I like to see all the passersby and their dogs (there was a dachshund puppy) - it distracts me from the task at hand.

Today, a young girl and her mom walked past the window. We smiled at each other as they marched forward hand in hand. Just before the girl was out of view, she turned around, with the biggest smile, and gave me two thumbs up. I needed that. I wanted that. How did she know? Kids are more perceptive than anyone gives them credit for. They are also wonderfully impulsive and unafraid.

That one interaction reminded me that I am okay. That people see me.

I know that we're supposed to say that it doesn’t matter what others think about us, but that’s unrealistic…at least for me. It’s okay to want you or your hard work to be acknowledged now and then, so long as it isn’t the only force moving you forward. First, you need to fully accept that you matter.

It’s not easy to be effortlessly human. We need help. I need help. We all carry weary smiles, aching for respite. We are forever in the mucky middle, lumbering through existence. We stumble, fail, rise, succeed, give up, try again. Laughing and crying our way through youth, relationships, heartbreak, wild dreams, daunting dread. Going on terrible dates. That first day back at the gym after a two-week hiatus. Responding to an email two days too late. But we’re trying, that’s the true grit of us. It’s important to lock eyes with each other so that we know we are not alone. To remind each other that it won’t always feel this hard. You can relax and unclench your jaw - you’re going to be okay.

When I think of the people who’ve had the most significant impact on my life, it’s not their expertise or accomplishments that provided me with the guidance and reassurance I needed to accomplish my goals. It was their sincere belief in me. They showed me through their words and actions that I mattered. They simply showed up for me.

We all want and need that same validation. I think that every single person we will ever meet shares this common desire. We all want to know we matter. Mattering is a universal human need.

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Have you seen Avatar? In the movie, the Na’vi greet one another with the phrase, “I see you.” It comes from the South African Zulu greeting, Sawubona. Its meaning, in essence, is I see all of you, your light and your darkness, and I am here for you with respect and love. People usually respond with, Ngikhona or “I am here.” This exchange is an overwhelming representation of understanding, recognition, and compassion - we need more of this.

It is easy to imagine saying this to our loved ones or good friends. But what if we said it to people with whom we aren’t particularly close? What would happen if we said this to our colleagues, students, Uber drivers, or a stranger passing on the street? Or to the younger versions of ourselves that still live deep inside us? I think it could lead to a lot more joy and a growing belief that there is something marvelous in everyone. That every interaction can be powerful and good. That we all deserve two thumbs up.

When was the last time you felt truly seen?  

I feel it here when I interact with you. You give me the recognition and compassion that I didn’t realize I longed for.

I’m grateful for this space, for you. Thank you for seeing me. I want to see you.